Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize