he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
