I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
