she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
