I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
