i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
