I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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