marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
