We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
