I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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