you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
