Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
