i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
