you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
