If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She told me I should be a condom model.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
