Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
