i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
