I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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