Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
