Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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