She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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