i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
