you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
