Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
