awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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