one might say we're banned from that church
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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