I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who died my cat blue again?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
