I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
