I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
