Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When did angry sex become our thing?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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