Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
