Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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