and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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