It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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