i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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