I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
