You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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