I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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