my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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