Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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