We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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