you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
