I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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