I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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