Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
