I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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