True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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