we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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