trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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