this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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