My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
