im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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