grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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