Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
