She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
