im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Michael Bay diarrhea
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
