He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
