tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
