Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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