U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
