I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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