Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
