It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have feelings that need drinking.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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