and next time when you feel me up, do it right
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
