You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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