New low: just hacked my moms facebook
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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