i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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