sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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