Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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