I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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