She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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