I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
COCAINE IS GR8
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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