Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
